Testimony of former agnostic

Up until May 2011 I would label myself as "Agnostic" . I knew that there must be something behind all of this, something more than what we see around us , I knew that our existence had to be more complex than life followed death

when asked if I was a Christian I replied"No ,I'm not sure what I believe , I know that there is something , I just don't know what it is" I would hear people around me talk about God and the strength that he had given them , how if they were going through any difficulties they were able to pray and God would be there to help and guide them . I wanted that. I wanted that feeling , that knowledge that wherever I was and whatever was going on around me , there was always someone there watching and looking after me . I remember I was going through a difficult situation and was feeling very low and someone told me " Remember ,whatever happens you're not alone" I knew that they meant that God was always there and I really wanted to have confidence in those words because I knew they would give me the strength that I needed but I couldn't fully accept them .

Those words were like every other thing I had been told about God . In my mind I has accepted them , I'd logically agreed that there must be truth in what I was told but I couldn't commit to it , to me that knowledge was in my mind but not in my heart . Sometimes I would pray because in my mind I knew it was something I could do but because the knowledge of God was not in my heart I never had the belief that the prayer would be answered. I remember someone once telling me about things that had happened in his life that made him certain of Gods existence ,His stories were amazing and I knew that they were truthful , but they were his stories not mine .

I remember saying to him " I'm really glad that you have this , and I wish I had something like that to make me certain but I don't" . Little did I know that it wouldn't be too long before I had my own amazing stories.

S When I started Uni I decided that I wanted to start to go to church , not because I believed but to give it a fair chance, the way I saw it I had nothing to loose.I kept procrastinating ,until I finally started going in April/May. So I went and I enjoyed it particularly watching and singing along with the choir but it was the same story - the belief was there in my mind but not in my heart ; this didn't last long. During May I was meeting up with people from believers LoveWorld campus fellowship on Campus for prayer meetings during the exam period.

They were good , but if I'm honest I was bored at times ,we would be praying but I'd run out of things to say whilst everyone else was still deep in prayer. Until that meeting that changed everything.

15th May 2011 I met up with the other students from BLW to pray , but this time was different from the other prayer meetings . We was all praying and paired off to hold hands and pray together , I joined with the leader of BLW.

When we started to pray I felt very strange , it was like this energy was buzzing through my entire body , like I was just covered by this orb of electricity , I had a strong overwhelming feeling , the person I was praying with asked me if I had received the spirit , I wasn't then entirely sure what he meant but I could feel something so I told him " I can feel it , I feel like I want to cry " soon after this whilst praying I began to cry hysterically,I was so overwhelmed by it all and couldn't control myself , I was trying to stand up but kept falling down when this happened I knew that something was behind it , but I still didn't know what , so I told God that I can feel it and that I want to believe but something is holding me back , I asked him to give me something to make me believe , all the while crying hysterically .

Moments later he gave me something . (The previous week before this day I had been graphic having nightmares every  night) The person I was praying with said to me " No more nightmares" , I had never previously mentioned to anyone about my nightmares , I knew that the only way he could have known was if God told him , this was God's gift to me to make me believe . He also told me that I was able to forgive and forget . (Previously that day I was thinking about something that someone had done that I felt unable to forgive because but at that moment I physically felt as though the burden of unforgiveness had been lifted  .These words caused my crying to become more hysterical and I fell to the floor , I knew they came from God and started telling him that I believed and thanked him for everything that he had done for me , at this point the person that was praying with me told me " You are free now". It was from this moment that I made Jesus the Lord of my life and became born again .

What happened that night was enough to affirm my belief in God but what he blessed me with the next day was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life...

After what had happened that night , one of my friends called me and said that she had been speaking to our group leaderand they said that I had come far, being born again and speaking in tongues . This confused me I wasn't aware that I had spoken in tongues but according to the person I was praying with I had I just didn't realize it . I thought to myself maybe they had mistaken me trying to talk through the hysterical crying as tongues , to find out I decided to pray and try to speak in tongues.

I prayed and asked God to allow me to speak in tongues and tried to pray faster and faster to will it to happen but I just found myself tripping over my words and after praying for a while decided to stop trying to make it happen and I put me speaking in tongues down to someone mishearing me . Little did I know what was to happen the next day . This day we all came together to pray again.

Anyway despite the nerves I went to pray with the others As soon as I opened my mouth to pray I began to speak in tongues . I put my hand over my mouth in shock , I couldn't believe it and I couldn't stop it . No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop speaking , I wasn't able to control it . After a while the speaking turned into hysterical laughter , I was rolling around on the floor laughing in a way that I never had before .

I just kept laughing and laughing like the funniest thing in the world had just happened . I was completely in a world of my own , when I wasn't laughing I was speaking in tongues , except there was something different about the tongues that I was speaking , I spoke in diverse tongues . These tongues were of a language or languages that already existed in human understanding . I was able to speak in languages that I had no knowledge of.

That night I spoke in various different languages a few that were recognized by the people that were there were French, Twi , Japanese , Yuroba , though there were many others that were not recognized. There was a large group of us present that night and for some that were there the hysterical way I was laughing was something that they hadn't seen before and they found themselves laughing at what I was doing . I continued to laugh and speak in tongues and after a while some of the group finished praying and left but there were some of us that remained . Us that remained continued to pray and I was still laughing and speaking as before. .

After a short amount of time one of the people who had earlier left came back and was crying and distressed. She said that God had spoken to her and he was not happy that they had been laughing at what was happening to me , she said that it was like they were mocking Gods work and calling it madness and God had told her that everyone that was there needed to come back . The leader of our group organised it and nearly everyone that was there returned and everyone began to pray again . Someone received word from God that there were blessings for everyone that was there tonight and that we should not miss out on them .

As a group everyone was praying again , and the power of God was tangible .I was still speaking in tongues , people would talk to me and what I would say to them would sound as though I was replying to them, though what I was saying was not in English but in diverse tongues . When I was able to stop myself from speaking in tongues and I was able to speak in English I did not speak in my own accent , I spoke in different accents; the most noticeable being strong African and Chinese accents . Every time I tried to stop the tongues to be able to speak in English the foreign accent would come

After a while most people in the group had finished praying and left as it was now the early hours of the morning and we had been there for hours . There was a small group of us left . It was now that something amazing happened . I began to prophesy to the people in the room , I spoke in tongues and when I stopped speaking I would in an accent tell the people there something about the future.

When I prophesied it was not me that chose what I said , I didn't know what I was saying until I had said it , God was speaking through me  , to them all I had to do was open my mouth.God said such wonderful things that night. When all this happened it was in the middle of the exam season so everyone was busy revising and all night prayer was a big disruption in this - or so we thought . The holy spirit speaking through me said that we would sleep for 3 hours but our bodies would feel as though we had rested for 8 hours . We finished our prayer at 6am , everyone woke up by 9 and was wide awake.

My life has never been the same since . To those who do not yet know God I would say to you ' just genuinely open your heart, the bible says in Jeremiah 29:13 if you seek me with all your heart you will find me. Don't try and find God with your mind by looking for logic and history but instead open your heart , look for him with your heart and you will surely find him, I did.  He knows you and the doubts you have , just trust that he is able to give you that very thing that will dissolve them , all you need to do is open your heart , give Jesus a chance, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain .

To make Jesus the Lord of your life ,All you have to do is say this prayer and mean it with
all of your heart; and God will hear you.

O Lord God, I believe in Jesus Christ, your Son who died for me and was raised from the dead for my justification.Your Word says in Romans 10 vs. 9 & 10 "...that if thou shall confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shall be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.Therefore I confess Jesus Christ as Lord of my life from this day forth. I receive remission of sins for my soul and I receive eternal life into my spirit.I am saved! I am born-again! Thank you for making me your child.

If you have just said this prayer or have any questions /comments feel free to email me at esthercalvertjordan@live.co.uk
Would love to hear from you

Hope that you were blessed

Love Esther xxxxxxx